Most people reading this will not think it’s possible to have a partner that’s too agreeable. Anyone who has been in a relationship knows that two different personalities will eventually get on each other’s nerves. It’s a fact of life, when two people occupy the same space, they will occasionally overstep boundaries, hurt feelings, or simply make one another madder than the hatter in Alice in Wonderland. The people you love most often drive you the craziest.
Arguing, in these situations is a normal response. On occasion, there may even be dish flinging, clothes throwing, knock down drag out kinds of disagreements (often followed by mind-blowing making-up sessions). It’s normal to fight. It’s even natural. What isn’t natural, in relationships, is to always agree or never fight. Arguments are important tools in relationships. They do more than just let off a little steam. Here are a few reasons why you need to have the occasional argument in your relationship.
Arguments Clear the Air
They are important tools for letting your partner know how you really feel. IN relationships where couples never fight, it’s often the first fight, the one that reveals all the pent up frustrations, hurt, and anger, that result in the ending of that relationship. Arguments let the other person know when how you feel, how you’re hurting, and what to avoid in the future.
Arguments Show Engagement in the Relationship
They certainly bring an element of excitement into the relationship. They let your partner know you’re there and hold nothing back. They show that you are passionately involved in the relationship and that you do care. They serve as a barometer for the level of affection in the relationship, in many cases, and are important tools for your partner to understand how vested in the relationship you really are.
Arguments Establish Important Issues for Both of You
We all know there are hot-button political and religious issues that should not be discussed in polite society. The same holds true when it comes to relationships. Those topics aren’t always as clearly defined as religion and politics. In some relationships it’s cooking, mechanical abilities (did anyone else notice how Jill on Home Improvement always quietly called in a professional once Tim finished fixing things?), family, friends, or even politics and religion.
Once you establish that these are hot topics for you by having that first heated argument, you know to back off and avoid discussing the issue. Sometimes, you must agree to disagree. But, if you never let your partner know how you really feel and how important the issue is for you, then he or she is likely to keep discussing it causing your blood to boil. Unless you let your partner know how you feel, your partner is going to assume you agree.
Don’t let your first fight be the final blow for your relationship. Learn to speak up and let your partner know what you really think and feel. Most important of all, learn to fight fair so that the disagreements and arguments you do have are productive rather than destructive.