Even in the best relationships, couples will occasionally disagree or perhaps even fight. However, committed couples seem to always find a way to quickly reconcile, get over it, and move forward. Making up in a healthy and open manner is the best approach when things aren’t always sunshine and roses.
Look Beyond the Actual Argument
Most therapists agree that when couples fight, most often the problem isn’t actually what they are fighting about. On the surface, it may appear as if the argument is about the kids or money, but usually there’s an emotion hiding just beneath the surface that hasn’t yet surfaced.
Chances are you’re not even aware of these hidden feelings. Typical feelings that several fights can be traced back to include:
– Feeling unappreciated, used, or taken for granted
– Abandonment fears. You’re concerned your partner is going to eventually leave the relationship
– Inadequacy and unworthiness. You don’t feel worthy of your partner’s affection; you’re not good enough
Learn How to Communicate Your Deepest Feelings
Practice peaceful heartfelt communication. Tell your partner how you feel when they frivolously spend money or how upset you get when you see them constantly flirting. This lets you address the core issues and often helps the other to understand your concerns without resorting to arguing.
Reveal Your Humble Side
Many times if you say you’re sorry for something you did (or didn’t do), it will motivate your partner to apologize as well. Making up can be as simple as defusing your exaggerated emotional state.
You’re Not Always Right
People who argue for the sake of arguing or have to win the argument will keep the fight going. Nobody wins in this scenario and it increases the distance between you and your significant other. Do you want to be right, or be happy?
Be Grateful For Your Partner
Showing your partner how much you appreciate them is the fastest way to happiness. Successful relationships use less criticism and more appreciation when talking or interacting with one another.
Express what you like about your other half and point out what they do that makes you happy. However, it’s a good idea to start with you first.
Do you appreciate you? Are there more things you like about yourself vs. what you don’t like? Be grateful for your own unique qualities and character as well.
Take Responsibility for Your Part in the Fight
If you can find a way to admit you are somewhat to blame for the fight (maybe you started it) and take responsibility for your actions, it will likely incite a sense of compassion in your partner and open up a whole new level of healthy dialogue.
Establish Respectful Boundaries
If you’ve had a particularly nasty fight, consider making an agreement with your lover about establishing civil boundaries when you find yourselves getting into a heated argument.
Promise you won’t do certain things such as call each other degrading names, bring up the past, or raise your voices beyond a certain level.
During the process of making up, remember to stay calm and keep a level head. Keep in mind your goal is to be happy again and make things better.