First of all, it’s important to understand that relationship breakups are rarely the fault of one person or the other. It’s generally some combination of the two. You don’t go from love to hate on the turn of a dime. Nor do you fall out of love completely over one argument, no matter how passionate the fight may be.
If there is one thing, though, that drives partners insane, it’s trying to have a productive argument with someone who is passive aggressive. The purpose of arguments is to sort out problems and solve them. Arguments, in relationships, are often necessary for getting feelings out on the table and making progress. When you don’t participate in the fight, progress cannot be made.
The other problem with passive aggression is that it sends a signal to your partner that he or she is not worth fighting for. It says that you’re unwilling to fight to save the relationship. That may not be your intention. In fact, the intention is likely your desire to avoid uncomfortable or confrontational experiences. These are a few of the reasons why passive aggressiveness is widely known to do more harm than good for relationships.
It’s difficult to talk to someone who has checked out of the conversation. Not only are you not letting your partner know how you feel, but you’re also preventing your partner from clearing the air about how he or she feels. How can you meet your partner’s needs and be there for your partner if you’re holding up a huge blinking neon “Hands Off” sign?
Involves Burying Feelings
The other things passive aggressive arguments do is bury your own feelings. You’re not telling your partner how you feel and yet holding that person responsible for not taking care of your feelings. It’s a lose-lose situation where neither of you is truly happy together and no one is really able to have a productive discussion about why you are both unhappy.
In the end, it breeds resentment on both sides of the relationship. Does this mean the breakup was all your fault? Not at all. What it does mean, is that you’re going to have to make real changes if you want to get your ex back and make it work for you both this time around. It also means you might need a little extra assistance in your efforts to get your ex back. I can help you with that.